If No Contact is the key to getting your Ex Boyfriend back, then text messages are what paves the path for you to get to the door in the first place. However, using texting as a tool rather than just a way to talk to your Ex is not an easy concept to grasp. A lot of the time, impulse take over.
Today that won’t be a problem as I’m going to teach you everything you’d ever want to know about the process.
You are going to learn four things:
- When you should be texting your Ex Boyfriend
- What you should be texting your Ex Boyfriend
- How to craft a text message that yields a response
- Five real text messages that my clients have used to get amazing results
Does this sound like something you’d be interested in learning?
When You Should Text Your Ex Boyfriend
Most of the clients I work with make a huge mistake immediately after a breakup with their Ex Boyfriend. They text their Ex Boyfriends and beg for them back.
Often this strategy yields pretty underwhelming results.
I say “often” because every once in a while you see an outlier where it actually does work. However, after coaching hundreds of individuals I can say without a doubt that statistics aren’t on your side if you beg.
This begs an interesting question. You see what I did there?
When is the absolute best time to text your Ex Boyfriend?
I view myself as a scientist.
In 2012 I began my journey of teaching women to get back with their Exes.
Everything I write on this website is a result of my findings through that experience. In other words, I have almost a decade of experience to draw on to answer this question.
Of course, in order for me to properly answer it, I need to introduce an essential strategy.
I call it a Value Ladder.
Texting Within A Value Ladder
Getting an Ex Boyfriend back is all about building value.
Human beings tend to commit to one another when they believe there is immense value in the decision.
In fact, I think you can make the argument that your breakup with your Ex Boyfriend is a result of him or you believing the relationship doesn’t hold enough value anymore.
Therefore, it makes complete sense to believe that getting your Ex back is simply a function of reacquiring value in his eyes.
That’s where the value ladder comes into play.
Think of this entire concept as a road map to your success.
Each rung of the proverbial ladder is meant to propel you to your ultimate goal of a re-connection with your Ex Boyfriend.
The ladder itself is the strategy you will be employing and each individual rung of the ladder is a specific tactic you will implement to propel yourself upwards.
I want you to take a moment and study the graphic above to get a sense of where the “texting” strategy comes into play.
It’s positioned immediately after the No Contact Rule.
If you haven’t already read about the No Contact Rule I suggest you stop everything you are doing and click on the link I just provided.
Or simply watch this video on it.
Before I move on from this, I’d like to take a quick moment to sum up everything we’ve learned in this section.
Summary Of The Section
I’ve been studying for about 10 years to determine the best time to text your Ex
The first concept you should learn is that of the Value Ladder
In order to achieve your goal, you shouldn’t text your Ex until after the first rung of the Value Ladder, a completed No Contact period.
What You Should Be Texting Your Ex Boyfriend
So, now that we know when you should be texting your Ex Boyfriend let’s focus in on what you should be saying.
Have you ever heard my Theory on Conversations?
You see, I believe that attraction is built through many things, but the ultimate vehicle for progress is through conversation.
But have you ever really stopped and wondered about the trajectory most conversations take when we start “falling for someone?”
I’ve actually charted it.
Here’s what the trajectory looks like. You saw it before with the Value Ladder.
Small Talk – Talking about socially acceptable topics that you could cover in a conversation with a stranger.
Telling Stories – Telling stories is a great way to build rapport with someone. Generally speaking to save stories for people that are familiar with you.
Sharing Opinions – Sharing your opinions on things is usually reserved for best friends or family. Opinions include things like political leanings or religious beliefs.
Sharing Feelings – Sharing feelings is something you usually only do with the people who are most important to you which is why you save this aspect as last.
Much like the value chain mentioned above, it’s best to view these four concepts as progress bars.
Generally speaking, you can’t skip directly from small talk to sharing your feelings with someone.
You have to build up a certain rapport with the person first and that rapport is built by following the trajectory.
You achieve this by going from small talk… to telling stories… to sharing opinions… and finally, when everything is said and done, you have built up enough credit to share your feelings.
This is how you need to view texting your Ex Boyfriend.
Before you worry about what to say to him you need to figure out the framework in which to text him.
The Timing Of What To Say
When I explain this concept to my clients they often get really excited and go too fast too soon.
I’ll give you a real example.
When I first explained the concept of how to structure conversations with an Ex to a client she took it a little too much to heart and literally in her first texting conversation with her Ex she went for the gold.
And when I say went for the gold I mean that she literally went from small talk to sharing feelings in the span of one conversation.
What she didn’t realize is that re-building rapport with an Ex takes time and usually isn’t successful after only one conversation with them.
Instead, she should have spread her conversation structure out.
Imagine if she went from small talk to sharing feelings over the span of a month instead of just one conversation.
That is how texting an Ex is supposed to go.
Summary Of The Section
Conversations with an Ex should follow a specific pattern.
- Small talk
- Telling stories
- Sharing opinions
- Sharing feelings
You should spread this pattern out over the course of weeks, possibly even months.
How To Craft A Text Message That Will Yield A Response
The biggest fear for many of the people I work with is sending a text to their Ex and it not even getting a response.
In this section, we’ll cover how to craft your text messages to increase the chances of getting a response.
Generally speaking, there are three components that you need to master if you want to get a positive response from your Ex Boyfriend.
The thing to remember about these three components is that you don’t need to include all three in one text message.
In fact, in many cases, this will be impossible.
Most of the time all you will need to do is just incorporate one of these components in a text and it will yield a positive response.
Let’s take a moment to define each of these components.
When my clients have trouble understanding what I mean when I talk about “the Hook” I often point them to novels.
We’ve all had a moment at the library or a bookstore where we are reading the back cover of a book trying to determine if it is worth our time to read.
That quick synopsis is that book’s hook.
If the hook grabs your attention, then your interest in reading the book rises.
If it doesn’t then your interest disappears.
Strangely, we treat text messages in the same way. I can’t tell you how often someone will text me and I’ll get a notification on my phone only to quickly glance and determine it isn’t worth my time to open that text up and read it.
Engaging text messages have great hooks.
After close to a decade of teaching women how to text their Ex Boyfriends the biggest pattern I’ve seen be successful is this idea of a Pattern Interrupt.
I’ll give you an example,
Texting “I have a confession to make…” to your Ex Boyfriend is a perfect example of a great Pattern Interrupt hook.
It’s something so intriguing that your Ex Boyfriend can’t help but respond to it.
They could glance at the text and immediately wonder,
“Wait, what is it they have to confess?”
“Did they cheat on me?”
“What is it?”
“I have to find out!”
A good hook will jolt your Ex at of his daily routine and make him want to respond to you.
Almost 10 years of teaching people who are going through breakups and the biggest thing I’ve learned about human beings is how self-absorbed we are.
Most of the time all we care about is improving our lives.
This is especially true when it comes to our relationship decisions.
Heck, it can even be simplified down into conversations you have.
How often have you had a conversation with your Ex Boyfriend only to find his interest wanes midway through the conversation?
He stops responding…
Or better yet he starts responding to you with vague or uninterested one-word sentences.
Often when this happens to my clients I’ll ask them to look at the series of texts that yielded the no response or one-word response.
There tends to be a very clear pattern.
When our clients start seeing one word responses, more often than not they have strayed from topics that interest their Ex and moved on to something centered around themselves instead.
If you want a positive response from your Ex Boyfriend don’t text him about your day at ballerina school if he couldn’t care less about ballerina school.
Here’s your new mantra.
Every time you text your Ex Boyfriend I want you to repeat to yourself, What is in this for him? Why would this interest him?
If you can’t come up with a compelling reason then the chances are pretty high that you need to re-work your text.
Who doesn’t love a good story?
Lately, my clients have been seeing a lot of success when they start telling an intriguing story to their Exes via text.
It’s even better when you can incorporate a good hook or interest in the story.
Probably the most intriguing example I can think of happened last year after my client videoed one of those public freak-outs people have at a McDonald’s.
You know, it’s one of the customers that freak out because their order was wrong and they start yelling at the staff and throwing chairs around.
Anyways, I advised my client to use this as a text since she could literally forward the video to her Ex and it would basically tell the whole story.
I also recommended that she include a great Pattern Interrupt hook to get his attention.
Here’s what she came up with.
Of course, he responded with,
To which she responded with the video of the freak-out.
This ended up sparking a back and forth between the two of them that lasted the entire day.
Pretty awesome, right?
Let’s move on and start talking about real examples I’ve seen work over the years.
Summary Of The Section
There are three components you need to master if you want a positive response
You don’t necessarily need all of the components blended to get positive results
It’s perfectly okay to just have one aspect
5 Real Text Messages That Work
Thus far, all we have really talked about are texting concepts.
In this section we are going to get down in the trenches and look at the most successful text messages when it comes to getting an Ex boyfriend back I’ve seen over the past decade.
Each one of the text messages I am about to unveil to you has been used by my clients (COACHING) with great success.
Now, before you start pulling out your phones to screenshot them I do want to say that you will typically get the best results with these text messages if you follow to simple rules.
Rule #1: Don’t copy the texts word for word. You should put your own spin to them
Rule #2: Understand how important timing is and when you need to send the text messages. We’ve briefly touched on that in the sections above.
Let’s take a look at some of the best text messages.
Text #1: The “I Have A Confession To Make”
This text works because it is the ultimate Pattern Interrupt.
By texting your Ex boyfriend,
“I have a confession to make…”
It’s an immediate attention-getter.
The problem with the text is that it is a bit of a double-edged sword. It’s amazing at grabbing someone’s attention but if you don’t have an intriguing confession to actually make then you are likely to lose the attention you fought so hard to gain.
Probably the best “confession” I’ve seen someone make in my seven years of doing this was a client who told her Ex that she was actually going to be in his area.
Side Note: They were in a long distance relationship and had built up a significant rapport before sending this text out.
Make of that what you will.
Text #2: The Damsel In Distress
The way this text message works is pretty simple.
You are essentially tapping into your man’s Hero Complex. After all, what man doesn’t like riding in on the shiny horse and saving the day.
Here’s how the text goes.
You need to have a problem that only he can fix.
Here are a few of the best examples I’ve seen over the years.
“I need help with a problem at work”
“My AC broke can you help fix it”
“I’m having trouble with this homework at school”
I think you get the gist.
I’ve seen this work really well over the years to the point that an Ex Boyfriend has literally written a 15 page report for a client of mine.
Text #3: The “Can You Keep A Secret?”
This is another text cut right from the Pattern Interrupt strategy exhibited above with the “I have a confession text…”
It works simply because it taps into an Ex Boyfriend’s curiosity.
In a perfect world, he will be so curious he can’t help but respond.
Of course, for all of its incredible attention gathering qualities it does have a pretty massive downfall.
Remember, your results will only be as strong as your ability to come up with a compelling secret.
You can follow the same guidelines I laid out in the “I have a confession to make” section.
Text #4: The Dress
This is more of a flirty and attraction based text message.
The key to this text message is to ensure that you send a picture of you in the actual dress in question.
I’m usually not a huge fan of having my clients send pictures to men unless it is done right. I subscribe more to the less-is-more tactic and this text is a perfect example of how to do that.
You can show off a little skin here but not too much.
Leave a little something up to the imagination.
The end goal of this text message is to make your Ex Boyfriend fantasize about you. You don’t want to lay it all out there for him.
So, make sure the dress you are “trying on” is sexy!
Text #5: The Shower Text Message
The last text was all about leveraging the “less is more” approach to flirt with your Ex Boyfriend.
This text message takes things a step further in a more direct way.
Here’s how it works.
You and your Ex Boyfriend need to be in the midst of a conversation via text message.
You need to ensure that he is engaged in the conversation.
In the middle of this conversation, you are going to suddenly disappear for about an hour.
After that hour is up you are going to text him the following;
“Hey, sorry I didn’t respond, I was just in the shower.”
The thinking here is that upon realizing you were in the shower it should open him up for a bit of sexual flirtation.
Now, I’ve seen this text message work brilliantly and I’ve also seen it backfire to where all the Ex wants to talk about is sex and that is not okay.
So, make sure you are careful when you use this message.
To Wrap It All Up
Okay, so let’s review.
- Text messaging is our first choice for re-establishing contact with your Ex.
- Timing is everything! Using the timing laid out in the Value Ladder you build value in your Ex’s eyes. If you try to rush through it, you increase the likeliness of screwing it up.
- The Hook, The Interest, The Story – understanding how to use these three types of texts is essential to get your Ex to engage in a conversation
- Knowing when to end a conversation. You should always end a conversation at a high point, leaving the desire to finish up what was started.