One of the biggest benefits to owning a large breakup business is that you get to talk to a lot of different success stories. Today I’d like to leverage that knowledge by looking at the top signs that indicate your ex boyfriend wants you back.
Now, if you’re not familiar with how I roll I tend to go above and beyond. I’m also someone who gets bored very easily.
Why is that relevant?
Do me a favor, take a minute and browse Google looking for an answer to this question of “signs your ex wants you back.”
Chances are that you’re going to get very derivative answers. Essentially a lot of people saying the same things over and over again. Nothing annoys me more than this and while I feel like I have definitely contributed to this problem myself.
Lately I’ve been on a mission to add something new to the conversation in every article that I write. What does this mean? Well, it means that I’m going to be listing out signs that aren’t typical to talk about. I want to offer my readers new angles to research.
So, without further ado…
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Seven Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Probably Wants You Back
Why seven?
Why not ten or fifteen?
I just feel like seven is so recognizable. You’ve got the seven deadly sins, the seven habits of highly effective people.
Seven just seems like such a perfect number.
So, here are the seven deadly signs that your ex boyfriend wants you back,
- They Reach Out To You Often
- They Interact With You On Social Media A Lot
- They Send You A Gift
- They Ask To Meet Up Continually
- Unexpectedly Showing Up
- Having Them Say “Hopefully I’ll See You Around”
- They Ask If You’re With Anyone At The Moment
These signs weren’t just randomly drawn from the bottom of a hat.
On the contrary, I literally asked real women who’ve gotten their exes back what men were doing to thirst over them and these were their answers.
Let’s start from the top.
Sign #1: They Reach Out To You Often
If you didn’t already know I’m the founder of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program and I’m actually really proud of it. We live in an incredibly chaotic world and often times the only thing that keeps entropy at bay is our ability to organize.
Specifically our ability to act as scientists and chart our successes and losses.
What works versus what doesn’t work.
This is a sentiment I am consistently putting forth in the ex recovery program.
To my delight, people have been taking me seriously. You see, one of the perks to my program is you gain access to my private facebook support group.
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- You get access to my Facebook Live Q&A’s
- You get access to volunteer moderators
- You get access to my coaches
- You get access to thousands of other individuals also going through breakups
And it always warms my heart to see how seriously people take charting their progress.
Take this woman for example,
She’s literally taken to charting how many times she’s initiating conversations and he’s initiating conversations.
One thing we establish really early on is that it’s important to always maintain a 1:1 texting ratio.
In other words, for every text message you send to your ex boyfriend he should send one back.
But what if I were to tell you that it even matters who reaches out to who first?
Well, you’d be actually wrong.
Not what you were expecting me to say, huh?
When I first started my breakup business I believed wholeheartedly that who reached out to who first mattered and I was right but not how I thought.
You see what matters most is the quality of the conversation and who ends the conversation first
However, there is one overlooked aspect of the whole thing.
What’s perhaps even more powerful than quality and endings is having a set pattern where your ex reaches out to you first consistently.
Now, what does that look like exactly?
Let’s say over the course of a month your ex reaches out to you first EVERY SINGLE DAY.
That’s powerful and one hell of a pattern.
So, I want you to get out of the habit of looking for one-offs.
If your ex reaches out to you first once a week that doesn’t constitute a positive pattern but if they reach out to you first every single time it’s definitely an admission that they are still interested in rekindling things. Of course, one thing you’ll learn really early on is one of the signs in this article isn’t necessarily enough for your ex boyfriend to declare his undying love to you.
It will take a bit more for that to happen.
Sign #2: They Interact With You On Social Media A Lot
I want to see how well you pay attention.
If there is one singular point that you should have taken from sign #1 what would that have been?
If you said to pay attention to patterns and not one-offs then you won the imaginary prize
Perhaps there’s nothing more prevalent that the millennial generation will be remembered for than social media.
It’s something we kind of take for granted because we are so used to it in our lives. I find it astounding sometimes that there is more technology present in our smartphones than there was on the first space shuttle to the moon.
And with that technology what do we do?
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We tweet…
Instagram DM…
Snapchat Messages…
FB Stalk…
You get the picture.
Now it may sound like I hate social media with the way I’m talking but that’s not true. All I’m trying to do is point out how we let it consume our thoughts. It’s quite easy to read more into it than you need to and this is especially true when you go through a breakup.
I mentioned above that I’m really proud of my private facebook support group.
But one of my pet peeves has to be when an ex likes a photo someone posts and they immediately jump off the deep end thinking that this is finally the declaration of love they’ve been looking for.
Again, what we are looking for here aren’t one-off actions but consistent ones.
If your ex boyfriend comments on every photo you post or watches every story you film… you may be on to something.
What matters isn’t a singular action but a string of collective ones.
Sign #3: They Send You A Gift
I think I’ve told this story before but when I was a young whippersnapper fresh out of high school I met a girl.
Looking back, if I’m being totally honest it wasn’t a love a first sight situation. It was more of a “I need to get this girl at any cost situation.”
My brilliant plan was to buy her affection with a gift.
To cut a very long story short, it didn’t work but I bring the story up to show you the mentality that men have when they get women gifts.
I think this is especially true for ex boyfriends.
Think about it for a moment, you have a guy who probably broke up with you who a few months later gets you a gift.
Why?
What’s going on psychological as they purchase this gift?
Is it a peace offering?
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Is it a a gift of intent?
I asked one of the women in our private facebook support group if her ex has ever bought her a gift before and if he did was there an immediate ask to get back together?
Here was her response,
So essentially the guy asked for her back but she decided to run away.
But here’s the thing, her response to the gift forgotten, her ex clearly wanted her back which is why he bought the gift.
But what does this say about that particular ex?
You’ve heard of the five love languages, right?
Essentially you’ve got,
- words of affirmation
- quality time
- receiving gifts
- acts of service
- physical touch.
What i’ve always found interesting about these love languages is the fact that every singular person has a different perception of what they value.
In other words, one person may value words of affirmation a lot more than physical touch, so on and so forth.
An ex boyfriend who is literally buying you a gift is doing so because in their own mind that is how they probably perceive love. They put a big emphasis on giving gifts or maybe have decoded that you place a high emphasis on it.
Sign #4: They Ask To Meet Up Continually
When I was 19 years old I had my very first breakup experience and to say it was rough it was an understatement.
If I were to describe that time of my life it would be a time fraught with relief and bouts of confusion.
I initiated the breakup and felt immediate relief upon exiting. However, with time an interesting thing began to happen. I started to reminisce about all of the good parts. It was as if my mind was plagued by these strong emotional attachments to moments and I couldn’t get rid of them.
But never one to be deterred I decided to go out on a few dates with other people but they were all duds.
All I could think about was my ex and it was infuriating.
Before I knew it my ex and I had gotten into the habit of texting all day again.
Of course, texting soon evolved into hour long discussions and the next thing I knew I was asking to meet up with her.
She declined.
And this singular fact infuriated me.
You’re declining me?
Again, not one to be deterred by some pushback I kept trying and trying to which she kept rejecting and rejecting.
Fast forward twelve years and thousands of breakup situations coached I learned very quickly that when an ex boyfriend continually tries to see you in person it’s a big indicator that they are wanting to get back together.
But it’s a little more complicated than that.
You see, ex boyfriends go through what I like to call multiple shifts in paradigm.
Some would call these “paradigm shifts” emotional value changes.
I know you’ve experienced this before.
One moment your ex boyfriend wants to hang and the second they don’t get their way they rage against the situation and disappear.
They go from hot to cold.
From happy to sad.
These paradigm shifts are closely linked around the “meetup” because it’s an extremely fragile time for their ego.
Asking you out takes a certain amount of risk on their part. They risk the fear of rejection and some men will go insane if they don’t get the answer they want.
Sign #5: Unexpectedly Showing Up
In case you forgot I asked real women in our private facebook support group to come up with these signs and this by far was the most frequent one.
In fact, I got this fun little response,
So, essentially we have a guy who is so desperate to win his ex girlfriend back that he sits outside of her work waiting for her to get out to literally beg for her back.
Now, I’ve been doing this for a very long time and I can say that without a doubt this is rare.
In fact, I think I can count on one hand how often I see this happen.
What I do see happen quite a lot is an ex boyfriend showing up unexpectedly to “hang out.”
In fact, one of my most recent success story interviews on my YouTube channel culminated in this situation happening,
Now, I know this particular sign isn’t rocket science. It should be pretty obvious that if your ex boyfriend literally shows up physically to “hang out with you” that they are interested in re-exploring things. However, you’d be shocked at how women can psyche themselves out about this.
Again, what we are looking for here isn’t a one-off but a pattern.
But let’s get away from the obvious signs and take a look at the more complicated ones.
Sign #6: Having Them Say “I’ll See You Around”
I don’t like taking on a lot of coaching clients.
I tried it when I first started my coaching practice and found it to be unbelievably overwhelming.
I’m not the most organized person in the world as you can see,
And if all of a sudden I have to coach 50 different people at once my advice tends to go down because my memory isn’t that great.
Sure, I’d take notes but that’s not the same thing as knowing the exact situation inside out.
I prefer quality over quantity so whenever I coach individuals it’s only a handful.
For example, right now I’ve got three clients and I know everything about them and their situations.
I bring this up because something interesting happened to one of my female clients that I feel is relevant to this discussion.
Her ex boyfriend calls her up, talks to her on the phone for about 30 minutes and then ends the discussion but saying,
“So, when am I going to see you again?”
This is a concept I call future pacing.
If you’re not familiar with the terminology here’s a quick crash course.
Essentially future pacing is where your ex boyfriend says something related to you or your relationship in the future. Usually it’s a throwaway comment like, “I’ll be seeing you or it’d be great to do this again.”
If you’ve noticed your ex boyfriend “future pacing” a lot it could be an indicator that they are seriously considering rekindling things.
Sign #7: They Ask If You’re With Anyone At The Moment
My very first relationship experience was in high school.
First love always burns bright and burns out fast.
My experience was no different.
My ex girlfriend was what is commonly referred to as a “goody two shoes.”
I was not.
I had no qualms about skipping school or breaking rules.
Unfortunately I could also be referred to as a corrupting influence and I definitely did that.
My whole philosophy at that stage of my life was to spend more time with her and school simply got in the way of that. So, one day I convinced her to skip class so we could do something fun together. She resisted the idea initially but I can be persuasive when I need to be and so after a few minutes on convincing away we went.
It was a fun hour but the snotty goody two shoes had to blab to her parents out of guilt and that’s when all hell broke loose.
You see, I was a very senior member of our high school track team and her parents happened to be very good friends with my coach.
So, here’s the situation we ended up in.
My ex girlfriend blabbed to her parents about skipping because she felt bad. Her parents scolded her and did the usual “that guy is a bad influence” routine but my mind worked in hyperdrive.
I began to worry that her parents might cause trouble for me with my track coach since that happened to be the “practice” I skipped to be with her.
Instinctually I knew the very best thing to do was to keep my mouth shut.
To not let on that I was worried my track coach could kick me out for skipping practice (which he had already threatened to do.)
But I’m an idiot and a teenager so I just can’t help myself.
I literally went up to the coach the next day and said something along the lines of,
“Hey, I was a bit late to practice yesterday I just want to make sure you counted me as being present.”
He looked at me for what seemed like a long time and finally said,
“Yep, I got you counted”
I breathed a heavy sigh of relief.
But I shouldn’t have.
That was my big mistake because that got him wondering.
It was the first time I had ever done that so he started asking around since he knew who I was dating and found out the truth.
I got kicked off the team for a week afterwards.
Here’s my point.
Sometimes exes can’t help but ask when something is gnawing at them and believe me when I say that you dating a new person will gnaw at them. If that worry is present within them then they won’t be able to help themselves.
They’ll ask you if you’re seeing anyone.
And that’s when you know you have them.
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