Today we are going to talk about one of the most difficult situations to find yourself in when trying to get your Ex Boyfriend back.
What if they are completely uninterested every time you talk to them?
Let’s say you start a conversation. You are getting replies but they are neutral and dull.
Luckily for you I have laid out six essential rules that you need to prevent things like this from happening.
The Six Essential Rules For Making An Uninterested Ex Interested Again
If you use the six rules listed below successfully, then the conversations with your Ex Boyfriend will give you the best chance at success getting him back.
Here they are, in no particular order:
- Ending Conversations
- His Interests
- Bring Newness
- Hero Complex
Let’s talk about them a little bit more in depth.
Rule #1: Incite Curiosity In Conversations With Your Ex
If you’ve been paying attention to what I’ve been saying on my YouTube Channel lately, you’ve probably heard me talk a lot about this concept.
One of the things that I am most proud of is the fact that I’ve spearheaded the creation of one of the most unique communities in the world, the ExRecovery Program.
The ExRecovery Community is run by Coaches and Moderators helping thousands of members, both men and women, through their Breakups.
Basically, it’s the ultimate support group for people in situations like yours. It exists as a Private Facebook Group.
The people in it help each other out in many unique ways.
- They help choose the right pictures to post on social media to get your Ex’s attention.
- They help formulate text messages that yield positive responses.
- There are Workbooks and Worksheets to help as you go through the ExRecovery Process.
- They help you stick to the Program when you are having a tough time.
There’s a reason I put one of the examples above in bold. That is because it pertains to what we are talking about today.
In the Private Group, there is an album full of text messages that resulted in Positive interactions.
Recently, I took that album and searched through it for patterns.
One clear pattern emerged in each of the text messages that succeed in getting the Ex being interested and engaged in the conversation…
I’ll give you an example.
One of the most popular text messages was the following,
“I have a question and I can only trust you for the answer.”
This conversation starter just oozes curiosity.
Think of what is going through the Ex’s mind upon receiving a text message like this.
What could she possibly need to ask me?
Why does she only trust me?
What kind of question is it that requires her to trust me?
Most people that the ExRecovery Team works with make one gigantic mistake. they try to start conversations without including anything that stimulates curiosity in their Ex.
A simple “hey” text won’t cut it.
Rule #2: Positivity Is What Matters
This may seem like an odd rule, but consider the situation you are in.
I’m assuming you and your Ex have split up up. This means that both of you are currently engaged in one of the most depressing and negative situations there are.
Generally speaking, having a conversations is likely going to come with a lot of negative feelings for the both of you. I mean, your Ex can’t guess how you are going to react to the Breakup, but you can bet he’s imagined worst-case-scenarios just like you have.
That’s the headwind that you are going to be facing. In order to overcome that you are going to have to compensate by bringing positivity to the table.
There are two things you can do to make a major difference in this situation:
- Be the Most Positive You Can Be In Every Conversation
- Make The Conversation As Satisfying As Possible
It’s really that second “tip” I’d like to focus in on throughout this section.
After all, being positive is pretty easy. You just need to seem super cheery all the time. I will say, try and keep it believable. If you are running around like a cheerleader, overselling it, you’ll achieve the opposite of what we are trying to do.
Making a conversation satisfying is a lot more challenging than simply staying positive.
What does it mean to leave someone satisfied with the conversation?
Satisfaction comes from having their wishes, expectations, and/or needs met in the conversations. In short, the conversations with you are enjoyable.
There are plenty of ways to achieve this in your conversations with them. In fact, some of the rules in the later sections can help you do this.
But, at this point I’d like to start by giving you my best tip to get an uninterested Ex to engage in the conversation and leave them satisfied.
The Tip = Make The Conversation Meaningful
Many philosophers have debated over the meaning of life for centuries.
Most indicate that there are three areas of life that determine how human beings derive meaning from their lives.
They are as follows:
- Connection: Most humans fear isolations. This means that our most meaningful moments have to do with creating connections with friends, families, lovers, etc.
- Service: One of the most meaningful things we can do with our lives is to serve other people and improve their lives. Not to mention, it makes us feel good.
- Understanding: It is human nature to want to solve puzzles, therefore we derive pleasure from finding answers or clarity about something that we were once unclear on.
My theory has always been that if you can work something fascinating about one of the three areas of life into your conversation, then your conversation will become more meaningful.
Let’s take something easy like the last one, “Understanding.”
How can we work understanding into a conversation with an Ex Boyfriend who is uninterested in the conversation so far?
Well, it can be simple. All we have to do is clear up some type of confusion your Ex may have.
You can do this easily by teaching him something new that he didn’t know before.
If you’ve been paying attention up until this point, you know that this is exactly what Rule #5 is and we will be getting into that shortly. We’ll delve further into it when we get there.
Rule #3: Ending Conversations First
I often find that I feel like I am repeating myself when I talk about “Ending Conversations First.”
My favorite saying that I stick to on this subject is,
“What matters most isn’t who starts the conversation but who ends it.”
In psychology, there is a pretty famous theory called the Peak-End Rule.
Peak-End Rule is When human beings remember experiences they tend to remember it based on two distinct points. The Peak, or the most exciting part of the experience, and the End.
This concept can be seen in action in many different arenas.
How often have we become superfans of movies or TV shows only to be horrified when the ending leaves us completely unsatisfied.
This is the perfect example of the Peak-End Rule in action.
Essentially, all that matters is that you do a good job of focusing the greatest parts of the experience during the Peak and the End as you talk to your Ex.
But, why is it so vital that you end the conversations first?
Well, imagine the average woman trying to get her Ex back.
She’s spent all this time obsessing about what he’s been up to and had nightmares that he’s moved on to someone else.
After all this time she’s got him engaged in a text message conversation.
It’s just so easy to get caught up in the conversation, throw caution to the wind, and keep the conversation going until it peeters out in a not-so-memorable fashion.
Here at ExRecovery, we go big or we go home.
The problem is that every conversation has a life span. If you play the life span out in one sitting you aren’t leaving yourself in a position to pick the conversation up again later. And you are missing the opportunity to let your Ex be curious as to where else the conversation could have led.
I’ll give you another example a little more personal.
I’m a voracious reader.
To me, there’s nothing more exciting than finding a good story to sink your teeth into. For the past year or so I have noticed an alarming trend.
Any time I start a new book I inevitably get bored with it at the 25% – 50% mark.
The story is familiar and I get this feeling as if I’ve read it before.
But every once in a while I’ll stumble across a book that feels completely original, one that grips me from the get go.
I’m not talking about those short books. I’m talking about the books that are impossible to consume in one sitting. I’m constantly left with this feeling of the story being incomplete.
You can bet this causes me to obsess about the story. Pretty soon it’s all I’m thinking about during every spare moment.
“I have to find out what happens next.”
“I need to read more.”
This is the same effect we are going for with the conversation with your Ex Boyfriend.
Don’t complete your conversations.
When you leave your conversations, leave them open so that your Ex is left wondering and thinking about the next conversation.
Rule #4: Highlight His Interests
Human beings are mostly about self-preservation. Think about an emergency in an airplane. We are hardwired to care about ourselves more than anyone else.
I’m sure you are probably sitting there reading this on your phone or iPad completely disagreeing with that statement. That makes total sense. We all want to think that we are thoughtful and selfless people. But, consider for a moment your predicament.
You’re trying to find a way to make your Ex Boyfriend more engaged.
That’s what YOU want, not what he wants.
For me, there’s nothing to be ashamed of in being a little selfish.
That’s not why I’m writing this article though.
The point here is that your natural inclination for self-preservation creates a fatal flaw.
And here it is…
The Fatal Flaw in the inclination for self-preservation is that you only become satisfied when you talk to your Ex Boyfriend about things you are interested in, which inadvertently leave him disinterested.
You may initially disagree with me, but I want you to think back on some of your conversations with your Ex.
The ones you really remember are probably ones that interested you in some way.
This fatal flaw rears its head often for my clients especially when it comes to the Texting Phase.
With my clients, I often put emphasis on the point that being interesting to your Ex Boyfriend is essential.
And you can bet that is what I’m doing right now.
The problem is that their definition of interesting isn’t the same as their Ex’s.
If you want your Ex to be interested in conversations with you, then you must understand that your Ex has the same fatal flaw that you do… self-interest.
If you talk to them about things they are interested in as opposed to things you are interested in you’ll find that you get better results.
But, here is where the rubber meets the road so to speak. You have to know what your Ex is interested in first and know what you are talking about.
The two don’t always align.
If your Ex is the biggest Dallas Cowboys fan in the world and you don’t know anything about football, then it’s probably not a great topic to bring up.
This overlap is important to consider.
Before you spend all your time studying his interests, I’d spend time determining which of your interests overlap so you don’t get caught up pretending you know more about something than you really do.
That is what will help you
Rule #5: The Importance Of “Newness”
We live in the age of “new”; new always seems to be better.
I suppose it makes sense.
Now more than ever instant results are at our fingertips.
When I was growing up smartphones didn’t even exist. This means you couldn’t just plug your phone in, plot your destination, and let Google maps tell you where to go.
You had to buy a real map and navigate from Point A and Point B.
The level of entitlement that has us expecting instant results has seeped into almost every aspect of our lives.
Google has even taken this into account with their featured snippets function. Before, if you wanted to figure out the time a specific movie was playing you had to type in that theaters website and look it up.
Now, you type the name of the movie into the search bar and suggestions for theaters and the times that it is showing are the first thing that show up in the results.
I’m not saying this is bad. On the contrary, I love the fact that we have access get answers so quickly.
All I’m saying is that there is always a need for new and fast.
We always seem to respect the ones that can give us those two things.
Are you seeing the problem yet?
What’s new about you?
Your Ex Boyfriend has already “been there and done that” so to speak.
So, half of your battle is going to be convincing him that there are new depths to you that he hasn’t seen already without seeming like you are trying to convince him.
How can you accomplish this?
There are two ways:
1. By teaching him something new
2. By showing him something new
Teaching is pretty simple.
All you have to do is engage him in a conversation and, when the opportune time presents itself, strike by teaching him something new.
Showing him is a little more complicated.
Essentially, this is about how you live your life during No Contact. That will be what shatters all of his preconceived notions about you.
If he had an inherent belief that you are lazy when you split up, then you want to be living your life in the least lazy way possible when you re-establish contact.
Rule #6: Tap Into His Hero Complex
Today, I’ve talked a lot about what I see as humanity’s fatal flaw, self-preservation.
In addition to that men have another flaw, The Hero Complex.
Nothing makes us feel more like a “man” than feeling needed and wanted women.
“It is said that behind every great man there is an even greater woman.”
One thing I noticed when I looked at women who were having trouble with keeping their exes interested in a conversation was the fact that they weren’t tapping into their Ex Boyfriends hero complex.
Just like any guy, he wants to feel needed every once in a while and it’s ok to do that.
Why do you think one of the most effective text messages that we teach to our clients is the “Damsel in Distress” message?
It taps directly into the Hero Complex.
I’ll give you a real example.
One of the most effective damsel in distress text messages I’ve ever seen used by one of my clients goes as follows.
Do you see how effective that is/can be?
It makes your Ex feel like he’s the hero when it you pulling the strings.
Be that great woman behind the great man.
So, Let’s Wrap This Thing Up?
According to this article, you are going to do a few things to get your Ex to participate positively during your conversations.
You are going to focus your efforts during your conversations on creating a strong sense of curiosity in your Ex. You are going to stay positive during those conversations. You are going to be the one to end the conversations, preferably on a high-note.
You are going to focus on his interests that you a can carry on a conversation about it. You are going to bring something new to the table. And you are going to play into his Hero Complex.
Your conversations should have as many, if not all, of these aspects in order to have him engage more in it.