Every single person who’s ever been in a Breakup wants to know the same thing, if your Ex still has feelings for you. It’s an excellent question, not easy to answer though, when your emotions are coloring your perception. It’s easy to see what you want to see.
That’s why you have to keep your eyes out for the right signs.
In fact, the signs I’ll teach you about today are present in a lot of the Success Stories I have seen throughout the years.
The signs that your Ex still has feelings for you are as follows:
- Your Ex Boyfriend Goes Hot And Cold A Lot
- Your Ex Boyfriend Makes Eye Contact With You Longer Than Usual
- Your Ex Boyfriend Brings Up “Throw Away” Details In Conversations
- Your Ex Boyfriend Has Long Meaningful Conversations With You Consistently
- Your Ex Boyfriend Will Future Pace You
- Your Ex Boyfriend Will Be Ok With Yucky Behavior On Your Part
- Your Ex Boyfriend Comments About How Much He Loves One Of Your Quirks
Let’s take a quick moment dive deep into each of these signs.
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Sign #1: Your Ex Boyfriend Goes Hot And Cold A Lot
Out of the many hardships of life, perhaps Breakups are possibly one of the most devastating..
I’ve been helping people through Breakups for seven years and I’ve seen a lot of what you might call crazy behavior.
- Obsessively stalking
- Depression
- Insomnia
- Becoming less interested in almost all activities
- An inability to focus
- Huge emotional mood swings
It’s that last one I’d really like to talk about. It is consistent among Exes who end up interested again.
It seems like a huge jump, right?
One minute an Ex goes from hating you to loving you and then back to hating you again.
Why?
What is going on in a man’s head to make him act this way?
When I was 18 years old I went through my very first Breakup.
It was unique in the fact that, even though I initiated it, I had grown so used to the routine that I had gotten into with her that I immediately regretted the decision. Immediately!
This initiated weeks of a back and forth narrative in my head. One minute I convinced myself I was in love with her. The next I was sure that our entire relationship was a mistake.
I’ve come to learn that this type of “hot” and “cold” behavior is very common in breakups.
It is essentially the same effect as a pendulum swinging.
One minute an Ex will do something that makes you convinced that he wants to get back together with you and the next minute they look at you like you’re the biggest mistake of their life.
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So, why is this “pendulum swing” of emotions considered a good sign for knowing that your Ex still loves you.
Quite frankly, it all has to do with an internal dialogue going on in their head. There’s a struggle between whether he wants to be together.
I don’t know if you are familiar with the term cognitive dissonance, but it literally means, the act of entertaining opposing thoughts at at same time. You can like someone and be upset with them at the same time.
The mere fact that they are debating with themselves over you and having trouble with it means that on some level they still care.
They may not be so in love with you that they are ready to act just yet but that’s what the Ex Recovery Program is about.
What I really want you to take from this is the following.
Internal Struggle – Good
Absolute Silence – Bad
There. That simplifies things.
Sign #2: They Hold Eye Contact
For most relationships things like eye contact get blown up into a bigger thing that it actually is. But for Breakups everything is magnified for a good reason. You get very little feedback with your Ex.
Remember my first Breakup I talked about earlier?
Well, let’s revisit that for a second.
I’ll never forget the day my buddy and I were walking through the mall and I ran into my Ex.
For some odd reason I had this constant urge to stare at her the entire time.
It wasn’t because she was beautiful.
It didn’t even have anything to do with being romantic.
Instead, I just felt compelled to stare. It was as if some unseen force grabbed my face and forced me to look.
In hindsight, I’m sure it was creepy for her. And I’ll admit that it isn’t exactly normal behavior for me but I couldn’t help it.
I was drawn to her.
Most of the Exes I’ve had in my life have been all about avoidance.
After the Breakup, I would do everything I could not to have to see them.
But my first Breakup wasn’t like that.
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The only difference I can think of was that for a short time I actually wanted my Ex back after that.
With the others… I didn’t.
It also helps my case that eye contact has been consistently linked to “falling in love.” There’s even been a scientific study.
Sign #3: He Brings Up “Throw Away” Details In Conversations
Have you ever been in a conversation with somebody and they talk about something seemingly insignificant you said in a previous conversations?
The answer is probably yes.
When that happened were you impressed with the fact that they remembered that detail.
It always blows me away that this happens because it means that the person was really listening to you.
I’ll give you a real life example.
My brother and I don’t talk as often as we used to. That tends to happen when one of you moves away and the other focuses intensely on school. That’s life.
However, every time we do see each other or talk he always blows me away by bringing up some seemingly insignificant detail from the past.
My initial reaction is,
“Wow, I can’t believe he remembered that?”
The last time I saw him which was about six months ago he told me that he had watched a movie based on a “throw away” recommendation I had made a few years ago.
I was shocked that he remembered that, that he cared enough to remember it.
I see this happening with a lot of my more successful clients except they see it on a whole other level.
I once had a client whose Ex bought a book solely based on a recommendation she had made years before.
It’s almost as if the Breakup had reminded him by bathing him in nostalgia. When thinking back that he remembered the recommendation and acted upon it.
She was greeted with a text like this.
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There are really three layers to this.
- Your Ex remembering details of your relationship
- The more seemingly insignificant the detail, the better
- Your ex actually taking action based on that detail
Peeling back one layer is good.
Peeling back two layers is great.
But three… three gets you married.
Ok, maybe that’s not exactly true but my wife once made a throwaway line about wanting to ride in a hot air balloon at least one time in her life.
Maybe a year goes by and for some reason I always remembered that fact.
The comment seemed kind of “throw away” or “insignificant” but I always remembered it.
And then I told her one day that we were going to be going on one.
And now we’re married.
Throw-away lines are a big deal. Especially if your Ex takes action on them.
Sign #4: You Have Long and Meaningful Conversations Consistently
As a general rule of thumb, the more bizarre and ridiculous the conversations are… the better.
It seems pretty obvious that if your Ex goes out of his way to talk to you may be an Ex that has feelings for you.
But what I’m talking about here isn’t an Ex just making a comment here or there.
I’m talking about the big three when it comes to him having a conversation with you.
- Length
- Topic
- Consistency
Think of conversations like this…
Each conversation you have with someone varies depending on these three main factors.
You wouldn’t speak to your boss at work the same way you would speak to a lover over the phone.
The three factors I’m pointing out above are indicators of how meaningful a conversation is with the person you are talking to.
Let’s take the boss versus lover debate a bit deeper.
Work Conversation
Generally speaking if your Ex Boyfriend was talking to his boss the conversation may look a little like this.
Length: Short
Topic: Work Related
Consistency: As Needed
Personal Conversation
On the other hand, a conversation with a lover will look completely different.
Length: Long
Topic: Interest Based
Consistency: Often
Do you see the difference between the two conversations.
One is strictly business and one is interest based and flirty. Now, I’m going to level with you.
In the seven and a half years that I’ve been helping women get back with their Ex Boyfriends I have never seen an Ex just fly out of the gates and have “romantic” conversations immediately after a Breakup.
Usually it takes a bit of one on one guidance or supreme discipline on your part to move an ex to that point. However, you will notice that the Exes who tend to still be in love with their former partners will open up a lot easier than average.
They are willing to talk to you often and may even flirt.
This is a good sign.
Speaking of good signs make sure you are on the lookout for this next one. It’s a doozy.
Sign #5: Your Ex Boyfriend Will “Future Pace” You
I want to say that Future Pacing is a term I came up with on my own but this is actually a concept I borrowed from sales.
Often you’ll hear salesman refer to Future Pacing as planting an image in a potential customer’s head, making them picture a future where they are using the product that is trying to be sold.
The thinking is that if you can get a customer to vividly picture that future they’ll be more likely to buy the product.
I first started my coaching business back in 2012 which seems like another lifetime ago.
All I remember from those early days besides being super green behind the ears is that I would answer people for five hours straight a day.
While I would not ever want to do that again, because is was draining and just way too much to take on, the experience taught me a lot of interesting things about human behavior.
I especially learned how men who are still interested in their Ex Girlfriends act.
Specifically, how they would go out of their way to put an image of a future together in their Ex’s head… thus Future Pacing.
Let’s say that one of my clients would be having a texting conversation with their Ex Boyfriend.
At some point throughout the conversation their Ex Boyfriend would literally say something like;
“You know, one day we are going to go see Niagara falls together.”
Basically, the Ex Boyfriend refers to a potential future that has happened yet.
This could be subconsciously or consciously.
Drawing from my own personal experience they are usually very aware of what they are saying and doing.
However, I would caution you against jumping for joy and thinking that your boy troubles are over forever just because he talked about doing something together.
Just because your Ex exhibits one of the signs on this list doesn’t necessarily mean that they are totally in love with you still.
In fact, when I’m working with most of my clients I inform them that ideally you want your Ex to be exhibiting more than one of the signs on this list.
Sign #6: Your Ex Boyfriend Is Ok With Yucky Behavior On Your Part
This is without a doubt the black sheep of this list. I even debated with myself for a good ten minutes on whether or not to even include it.
However, my mission has always been to tell you guys the the truth which means I can’t really leave this one out.
Let’s say that throughout your life you have developed a few pretty disgusting habits.
Specifically you pick your nose.
Now, you aren’t one of those idiots who does it out in the open. You are very strategic about how you do it.
Always when someone is looking away.
Preferably in private.
And yet one day while you are out and about with your Ex a sudden urge hits you to dig for some gold.
You bide your time and wait for your moment.
A singular moment where your Ex looks away so you can quickly clear your nose.
He does and you do.
But you can’t seem to locate and remove the problem.
Oops…
It’s been too long and now your Ex is staring right at your with your finger up your nose.
But he doesn’t say anything.
He just laughs and moves on with the conversation as if nothing happened.
I think we can all universally agree that picking your nose is yucky.
But your Ex Boyfriend seems to be ok with that behavior from you. Now, it’s not like he condones it but he’s not losing interest because of it.
This is a great sign.
Common “Yucky” Behaviors
- Picking Your Nose
- Biting Your Nails
- Cutting The Ends Of Your Hair Because You Are Nervous
- Not Brushing Your Teeth
You get the idea.
The reason I hesitated to include this one was because, you might be inclined to develop new bad habits to test the theory.
Don’t.
The Ex Recovery Process is about becoming a better version of yourself, not developing bad habits.
Sign #7: He Comments About How Much He Loves One Of Your Quirks
If sign number Six was all about an Ex Boyfriend accepting who you are, warts and all.
Sign number Seven is basically Sign number Six on steroids.
I suppose we should first start by defining what I mean by “quirk.”
Quirk – Something about yourself that you are embarrassed by
I’ll give you a personal example here about my wife.
She has two really interesting quirks and I love them both so much.
- Her Laugh
- Her Teeth
My wife has the most unique laugh in the world. In fact, I’ve never met a woman in my life that can hold a candle to her laugh.
So, you can imagine my surprise when I mentioned how much I loved her laugh to her and she told me she hated it.
It shocked me because for me it was one of the reasons I fell in love with her.
Another moment that I had with her like that was in regards to her teeth.
Growing up I was forced by my parents to wear braces and I fought them tooth and nail on it every step of the way.
Well, as a freshman in high school the braces finally came off and I have to say the orthodontist actually did a pretty damn good job.
When we first started dating my wife even made an offhand comment about how much she liked my teeth so I did what any self respecting lad would do.
I complimented her on hers.
What followed was close to a tirade about how much she disliked her teeth that she has held strong on to this day.
But, every time she complains about her “quirk” I always think to myself, I hope you never try to fix them.
I absolutely love her teeth the way they are.
And that’s what I’m talking about with this sign.
If your Ex Boyfriend still loves and specifically points out how much he loves the things about you that you obviously dislike about yourself, he likely still has feelings for you. He might even still love you.
It’s an incredibly good sign.
Reveiw: How to Tell if Your Ex Still Has Feelings For You
Determining if your Ex has feelings for you means you have to be honest with yourself. Each and every one of you has likely spent a lot of time trying to analyze your Ex’s actions. You’ve probably tried to find meaning in every little thing he does. These signs we’ve talked about here today are the few things that are most likely to mean that your Ex still has feelings for you.
The best way to utilize them is to keep track of if they happen and how often they happen. The more often they happen, the more likely it is that your Ex has feelings for you and is still interested.
Let’s lay them back out again so you can keep track.
- Goes Hot And Cold A Lot
- Makes Eye Contact With You Longer Than Usual
- Brings Up “Throw Away” Details In Conversations
- Has Long Meaningful Conversations With You Regularly
- Future Pacing
- Tolerates Bad Habits
- Says He Loves Something You Hate About Yourself
Now, you should be able to tell if your Ex still has feelings and how to use these signs to your advantage.
What are your chances with your ex?
Take my simple two minute quiz to get an honest accounting of your chances.
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