Today you’re going to learn exactly how to get a Long Distance Ex back in five simple steps.

In fact, this is the same approach that I’ve taught to my most successful Long Distance clients.

Let’s get started!

  1. Utilize A No Contact Rule
  2. Build Attraction And Drop Hints Through Texting
  3. Bond Through Phone and Video Calls
  4. Work Towards Setting Up A Meetup
  5. Build To “The Ask”

Begin With The End In Mind

Before I start diving into the actual steps for winning a Long Distance Ex back, it’s important to take a broad view of the entire process. This requires that you understand the major differences between the situation you are in and the situation most people find themselves in.

Generally speaking, when I work with someone I teach them about my “Value Ladder” methodology,

Value Ladder - Standard

It may seem simplistic at first, but I assure you that the graphic you see above is the result of years of testing and tweaking to get to the bottom of what works best for winning an Ex back.

However, since we are dealing with a Long Distance Relationship situation today you’ll find that your version of “The Value Ladder” has a pretty major difference,

Value Ladder - Long Distance Breakup

You’ll notice that the “Dating” step has been switched into a “Meetup” step.

Why is this?

Simple, because you find yourself in a Long Distance situation you can’t go on a bunch of dates with your Ex to build up the attraction further. Therefore, everything you do is building towards a crescendo of one singular meetup with them in person where you go for gold.

This means that you are putting more stress on No Contact, Texting, and Phone Calls than a normal person would.

You are more reliant on those things working for you.

Let’s talk a little bit about how that is supposed to work.

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Step One: Utilize A No Contact Rule

I’ve talked about the No Contact Rule quite a bit already so if you want a really in-depth explanation I recommend you read this article right now.

Nevertheless, if you are anything like me you probably won’t click on the link and hope that I further expand on what it really is.

Here’s a quick crash course for you.

The No Contact Rule: A predetermined length of time denying your Ex any contact at all.

No Contact Definition

Here’s the main question that we have to answer.

Because you are in a situation involving a Long Distance Relationship, does that mean your version of the No Contact Rule changes?

Well, technically, no.

However, certain aspects of the No Contact Rule will need to be highlighted… specifically, the importance that social media will play during this predetermined length of time.

Again, if you aren’t sure of how long your No Contact should be I recommend you read this article and find out.

The Importance Of Social Media

The greatest fear that every person who takes on the No Contact Rule has is the fear that their Ex will suddenly just forget that they exist.

After all, you are ignoring your Ex on purpose during No Contact. I have found over my years of helping people through Breakups that this fear is compounded for people who were in Long Distance Relationships with their Exes.

Why?

Well, because every personal face-to-face interaction they have with their Ex is a rarity.

Everyone else who starts the No Contact Rule out, that isn’t in a Long Distance situation, always knows that at some point there will be a moment that they will see their Ex. Long Distance clients don’t have that guarantee. So, they generally have a harder time accepting that No Contact is a necessary part of  the process because they have a greater fear of losing their Ex.

This is why social media is your friend.

Not only do we know that almost 90% of Exes spy on your social media profiles after a Breakup, but social media gives you the opportunity to create a positive narrative without being face-to-face with your Ex.

You’ll find that a lot of what you need to be doing during No Contact Rule is creating a series of circumstances where your Ex feels like they are missing out on your life and that needs to be devastating to them.

My clients have taken the term “FOMO” and started applying it to this feeling.

What Is FOMO?

Simply put, FOMO is the “Fear Of Missing Out.”

Fear of Missing Out Definition

Here’s the most important thing you need to remember.

There is a direct link between the Fear Of Missing Out and the Expectations vs Reality concept.

Allow me to expand by showing you a simple clip from one of my favorite movies of all time, “500 Days of Summer.”

In it, you have a man who desperately wants to win his Ex back. He gets invited to a party and that is where he imagine making his stand. He plays this whole scenario out in his head of what their soon-to-be reunion will be like and then reality is nothing like he pictured.

This is a perfect example of what I’m talking about when I talk about creating a narrative on social media.

After a Breakup your Ex has a certain view of you. There is a certain narrative that plays in their mind about how you’re going to be handling the Breakup.

Expectations Of How You’re Handling The Breakup

Usually this “expectation” is built on assumptions and it looks like this:

  • He assumes you are depressed
  • He assumes you are trying to make them jealous
  • He assumes you are angry
  • He assumes that you are going to beg for them back
  • He assumes everything you do is some subtle message directed at him
  • Basically, there are a LOT of assumptions being made

Social media allows your Ex a small window into your life so they can check up on you and see how you are doing without actually having to talk to you. Luckily, you control the view through that window. In other words, it allows you to craft a narrative to make them feel like they are missing out.

The Social Media Narrative You Need To Create

  • You need to post things that make you look happy
  • You need to post pictures of amazing places you’ve been
  • You need to post pictures of you having fun with friends, new and old
  • You need to post pictures of you looking amazing
  • Again, you get the idea

Step Two: Build Attraction And Drop Hints Through Texting

Did you know that 95% of text messages are read within the first three minutes of being received?

Ultimately, this means that on average you’ll get an idea of if your Ex is interested in having a conversation with you in just 90 seconds. Now, I’ve written extensively on how you should be reaching out to your Ex in order to maximize your chances of a positive response.

But, things are a little more challenging for people in Long Distance Relationships.

Why?

Well, it’s because so much of your conversations will be through mediums like texting, phone calls or video chats.

To add another layer of complexity, your goal isn’t just to build attraction with your Ex. It’s also to prime your Ex for this big meetup. Therefore, you really have two things you are trying to achieve in your texting conversations with your Ex.

  • You have to build attraction
  • You have to drop small hints for the big meetup

Now, I know this won’t be a popular decision but for this article I’m going to simply skip the “Building Attraction” part because I’ve already written a HUGE article on how to do that here. Instead, I’d like to focus on the “Dropping Small Hints” portion of texting.

So, if you are in a position where you are dying to learn more about texting your Ex then I suggest you visit the article I linked to above.

How To Properly Drop A Hint For The Big Meetup

Have you ever heard the phrase,

There is brilliance in brevity?

Essentially, it means that you should always take a “less is more” approach to life.

While I don’t necessarily agree that those are words to live your entire life by, it does certainly hold some credence when it comes to getting your Ex back.

It’s important to remember your ultimate goal with this process and that’s to set up a very romantic meetup with your Long Distance Ex.

The trick to setting this up is to very slowly drop breadcrumbs of a future meetup. Now, should you shout this “hint” from the hilltops?

No, absolutely not. Then it wouldn’t be a hint. But, there are very small ways you can allude to it.

I’ll give you a real-life example.

I had a client who was in the middle of a Long Distance Breakup situation and after I explained this concept to her she did something pretty brilliant.

Rather than explain it, I’ll just show you.

Texts From Your Ex - Meetup Long Distance

Do you see what she did there?

It was so subtle. I wouldn’t be shocked if he didn’t even notice it at first.

Here’s what she did.

She used my Texting Guide to establish a pretty epic conversation with her Ex. She got him to open up and start talking about some of the places he’d like to visit and that’s when she pounced.

Texts From Your Ex - Meetup Long Distance - Emphasis

With three little words she planted a very subtle seed in her Ex’s mind and the beautiful part is that it was disguised as a joke. There is  another important aspect to talk about here is that you shouldn’t ever start dropping hints or planting seeds until you have some real good rapport built with your Ex.

This tactic only work because her Ex volunteered an interest in visiting Australia since he had never been.

In your case, you are basically going to bide your time until your Ex volunteers information that you can use in this manner and very slowly start dropping hints of a future meetup.

You don’t have to be specific with it either. Remember, the main goal is to simply drop hints of a meetup.

It doesn’t matter when.

It doesn’t matter where.

It simply matters that a seed is planted.

Step Three: Bond Through Phone And Video Calls

Not a lot of people talk about this but there is a clear correlation between the five senses and the mediums of communication.

Basically, the more senses you use during a conversation with someone the more impactful that conversation can potentially be.

Think of it like this.

Long Distance - Mediums of Communication

You’ll notice that I excluded Taste for obvious reasons.

Anyways, if you look at the mediums of conversation in this way it is pretty clear that a conversation with your Ex in person is going to be more meaningful than a conversation with your Ex over text message. Of course, that’s the big challenge you face.

Because you were in a Long Distance Relationship with your Ex, you are attempting this process without the greatest tool in your tool belt. Essentially, most of the work that someone who was in a traditional relationship would be doing during an in-person interaction in a general situation you are going to have to do over the phone or ideally in one of the following video chat softwares,

  • Skype
  • Facetime
  • Facebook Messenger
  • Viber
  • WhatsApp
  • Tango
  • Etc…

Now, you may be sitting there and wondering what I mean by “work.”

Well, I’d like to turn your attention to the following graphic,

Value Ladder - Emphasis Importance of Small Talk

Specifically the part that has a big red arrow pointing to it.

  • Small Talk
  • Telling Stories
  • Sharing Opinions
  • Virgin Ground
  • Sharing Feelings

In a perfect world, we spread each of these types of conversations out across many different mediums.

For example, when text messaging you would ideally only have the following types of conversations,

  1. Small Talk
  2. Telling Stories
  3. And A Tiny Bit Of Sharing Opinions

Usually after you have done that you have done enough to earn a phone call or video chat with your Ex.

Once you start conversing with them on that medium you can make use of the following conversations,

  1. Small Talk
  2. Telling Stories
  3. Sharing Opinions
  4. Virgin Ground

Usually, after you’ve achieved these, you can start progressing towards seeing your Ex in person which opens up the final type of conversation, sharing feelings.

Do you see how the logical progression is supposed to work?

But someone in a Long Distance Relationship has a very difficult time getting an in person meetup which means we are going to be stressing the phone call and video chat stage more than normal.

Your goal throughout these mediums is to have the following types of conversations,

  1. Small Talk
  2. Telling Stories
  3. Sharing Opinions
  4. Virgin Ground
  5. Sharing Feelings In A Small Way
  6. Drop More Direct Hints

Now, you are probably dying for me to get into specifics on what you should be saying in each of these conversations but I’m not going to do that because that’s why I’ve created an entire training (LINK) on it.

Step Four: Work Towards Setting Up A “Meetup”

While the texting stage was about planting the seed of a “meetup” the phone call and video call stage is about growing that seed and once you feel that, that seed has grown enough it is time to pick the fruit off the tree and reap the rewards.

I’ve long been on record saying that I think you need three essential elements in order to make a Long Distance Relationship work long term.

  1. Time
  2. Money
  3. A Plan To Close The Distance

Without these three elements your Long Distance Relationship is doomed to fail.

As it turns out, two of those elements are about to come into play in a very big way.

One of the most terrifying things for people trying to get their Long Distance Exes back is how to structure a meetup. After all, meeting with each other in person is a big step. Ideally, all of your hints will have built to a crescendo and your Ex will be the one to ask you for a meetup.

However, in my experience, that hardly ever happens.

So, what are you supposed to do?

Well, we can actually thank one of my Coaching (LINK) clients for finally cracking the code.

The Tactic Of Inviting Your Ex To A Meetup

My client was in a Long Distance Relationship with her Ex Boyfriend and she had basically done the entire process I have laid out on this page.

  • She had done a No Contact
  • She had dropped subtle hints
  • She had put in the work texting her Ex
  • She had put in the time video chatting with her Ex
  • She had dropped a few more hints

The problem was that her Ex wasn’t taking any of her hints and it seemed as if he was only interested in remaining friends long distance.

Then lightning struck.

By a happy coincidence my client had a job interview in his area in a few weeks and she was asking me how she should handle it. She didn’t want so seem like she was “stalking” him, because she really did have a job interview.

I suggested a simple approach.

  1. First, I told her to prime the visit on social media
  2. Second, I suggested she use the “I have a confession to make” text

Here were the results of our approach.

Priming The Visit On Social Media

If you are wondering what I am referring to when I talk about “priming the visit,” it’s actually pretty simple.

Before the actual visit you need to post something on social media referring to it.

This way it can alert your Ex, if they are connected to you, that you will be in the area.

When I told my client that this was something she had to do she became a little worried about how she would do this. I advised her to do something to get his attention in a fun way. We brainstormed and realized that her Ex was a huge fan of “Game of Thrones.”

She came up with the idea to use a picture of Daenerys Targaryen riding her dragon and make a Facebook Post that said,

Game of Thrones Facebook Post - Long Distance - Social Media

The post was a huge hit and didn’t just get his attention but also the attention of many other men she was friends with on Facebook. The effect was almost immediate.

Using The “I Have A Confession” Text

After a few days passed of “priming” we decided that the timing would be right for her to reach out to her Ex and alert him to the fact that she would be in his area.

I advised her to use the “I have a confession to make” text message.

How does this text work?

Simple, you text the following to your Ex,

Texting From an Ex - Confession

The goal here is to make him so curious as to what the confession is that he can’t help but to respond.

Of course, we had our confession laid out for us in the fact that she had an interview. So, she simply used that as her confession.

Texting From an Ex - Confession 2

By leaving it kind of open-ended up like that it gives your Ex enough to bite on.

The results were great for my client. Her Ex immediately invited her out to lunch.

Using The Small Meetup To Transition Into A Bigger One

The biggest mistake people make at this point, once they get a small meetup, is they move on to Step Five in “the ask.”

Technically, it’s wonderful that you got your meetup but the conditions aren’t perfect to strike just yet.

Ideally, when you meet up it needs to be several meetups over the span of anywhere between 3 – 5 days.

One singular meetup for lunch or something isn’t going to get you the gold.

Instead, the smartest thing to do is use the smaller meetup as a stepping stone into a larger one.

You do this by having one singular focus during the “small meetup.”

Have as much fun during your meetup with your Ex as possible.

If your Ex associates you with fun then they are likely to be more open when you try to set up another meetup.

Step Five: The Ask

The implementation up until this point is essential to get right.

In other words, if you jump to the final step without properly checking off all the previous steps first… you are going to fail.

I’m not saying that to upset you.

I’m saying it because I’ve been doing this for many years and have seen impatience blow up in so many people’s faces that I know better than to just assume “it’ll all work out.”

So, how are you even supposed to ask a Long Distance Ex to get back together?

It’s simple. You have to indirectly force your Ex into the most romantic environment that you can think of during the 3 – 5 day meetup and say a simple four word phrase.

So, what are we?

I’m going to take credit for this one based on my own personal experience.

For those of you who don’t know I am actually a married man.

But, I wasn’t always.

I started off as a shy insecure kid in a Long Distance “Friendship” with a beautiful woman. By some stroke of fate, I was invited to meet my “friend” in Daytona Beach, Florida.

I lived in Texas.

She lived in Pennsylvania.

I stayed for six days.

Those six days served as the building blocks to our Relationship.

And it was around day four of our time together that we were walking on the beach under a literal full moon that she turned to me, batted her eyelashes, and said those four simple words.

So, what are we?

“Together” I said.

And she replied, “I think I’m in love with you.”

By forcing your Ex into the most romantic environment you can think of it applies some of the right type of pressure to get the truth out. It’s hard to say no when all the stars align and you are overwhelmed with the feeling of not wanting a perfect moment to end.

Let’s Review

First of all, we established that Long Distance Breakups require a different approach than other Breakup situations because they already limit your access to your Ex. Luckily, in this day and age, social media allows you to present any appearance you want to.

So, let’s review the steps we talked about that are necessary to be successful in getting a Long Distance Ex Back.

  1. Utilize A No Contact Rule, a predetermined length of time denying your Ex any contact at all
  2. Build Attraction And Drop Hints Through Texting
  3. Bond Through Phone and Video Calls
  4. Work Towards Setting Up A Meetup
  5. Build To “The Ask”

 

What are your chances of getting your ex back?

Take our free 2 minute quiz to get an honest accounting of what your chances with your ex are.

Take the Quiz
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