It’s not unusual for the person that’s been dumped to react unusually, perhaps even little crazy. Today we are going to talk about how to get your Ex back after you’ve acted completely crazy.
Emotions run high after a breakup. It’s not unusual.
The process we are going to talk about today can be applied if you happen to be someone that found yourself acting crazy, or overly desperate, or even a little psycho after the breakup.
The goal here is to improve your odds of success in getting back together with your Ex.
Before we dive in, let’s discuss what we are trying to achieve.
We are going to redirect the narrative, giving your Ex a different perspective, so he sees you in a positive light rather than you being the “Crazy Ex.”
You are going to achieve this goal by doing 5 things:
- Understand why being a GNAT is never a good idea
- Enact an extra strict No Contact Rule
- Manage your social media properly
- Create the perfect first text message
- Inspire your Ex to initiate most interactions
Don’t Be A GNAT
What even is a Gnat?
Well, it’s not a bug, but can be just as annoying.
GNAT = Going Nuts At Texting
To clarify, a GNAT is someone that contacts their Ex incessantly to the point of annoyance.
Let me start by giving an example to help you better understand. You’ll have to use your imagination though.
It’s 70 degrees outside.
The sun is high and feels warm against your skin.
You grab a seat on the patio of your favorite cafe and order a latte and a chocolate croissant.
You glance around the patio taking inventory of the people around you as you open your computer to answer some emails. Because, who doesn’t love to people watch?
After responding to a few emails, you notice a buzzing noise.
You search for the source only to see a gnat hovering over your croissant.
Instinctively, you swat it away.
You return to your emails.
A few minutes pass and the gnat returns with a few friends.
You swat them away again and again, they return with more friends.
Soon you find yourself surrounded by gnats that just won’t leave you alone.
This is exactly what a Gnat does. You’re the Gnat in this scenario and your Ex is the one being annoyed.
A Breakup is a request for space that is usually expected to be permanent. If you’ve overreacted in any way or acted overly desperate and you want your Ex back, it is even more important for you to respect that request.
Like I said before, emotions run high after a breakup. They fuel an indescribable desire to say everything that is on your mind, because you think that it will give you some relief.
Unfortunately, the relief that comes with unburdening yourself is only temporary.
It’s important to see the big picture.
Consider how getting what you’re feeling off of your chest will affect your chances of getting your Ex back?
You may not see it now, because you are in the middle of your emotions, so I’ll give you the answer to the question.
It’s a bad idea.
Well, you have to remember what the overall goal is. It’s not just to feel better for a moment; it’s to give your Ex a different perspective, so he sees you in a positive light.
If you acted emotionally, possibly impulsively, during the breakup and then even more so afterwards, it is likely that the impression that you are desperate is solidified in his mind.
Let’s say you’ve been sending text after text and making call after call to your Ex Boyfriend trying to reason with them about the Breakup. Perhaps you’ve even shown up at their door or done more than a bit of begging since the split.
Each one of those interactions gives him the impression that you are needy or unable to live without him. You can bet that that is the opposite of what we are trying to do and EXACTLY the type of impression you want to avoid making from here on out.
Okay, next point.
Apply An Extra Strict No Contact Rule
A Breakup can be a traumatic experience, especially if it’s overly emotional. Chances are, if you responded any of the ways we’ve discussed so far, yours probably fits this description.
It is crucial after any Breakup to take the No Contact Rule and apply it to your situation, especially if it was traumatic. although with a Breakup like yours, you’ll need to resign yourself to make it EXTREMELY STRICT.
If you aren’t sure what No Contact is, it’s a period of time where you cut off all communication with your Ex Boyfriend on purpose. You should also stop communicating with his extended circle, such as friends or family. We already know that you reacted emotionally and that it has colored your Ex’s opinion of you. We want to lessen the chances of you doing that repeatedly by removing the temptation to break No Contact.
The point of this duration is to create a space where you can heal mentally and emotionally. It also allows you to grow as an individual and maximizes your chances of potentially reconciling with your Ex.
This means no communicating of any kind, texting, calling, emailing, or responding to any social media posts made an of them.
As hard as it will be, it is imperative that you stay dedicated to making it through No Contact.
Which brings me to an important question.
If you’ve read through the Ex Recovery Process, you know that there are three specific timeframes that recommended: 21, 30, or 45 days.
Forty-five days being the longest of course. It is necessary for more difficult situations, such as yours.
By completing a longer No Contact timeframe, you have more opportunities to do the following:
- Understand the issues that caused the Breakup and address your part in them.
- Let any negative emotions remaining towards your Ex subside. Optimally, so will your Ex’s negative emotions toward you.
- Prove your independence. Make him FEEL the distance by not contacting him for the entirety of your No Contact.
The reason you have to commit entirely to a strict No Contact is because acting “crazy” is really just responding extremely emotionally. People who are prone to extreme emotional responses are more likely to give in to temptation and break their No Contact.
In committing to the Ex Recovery Program you have to realize that breaking and restarting No Contact lessens its effectiveness with every attempt. By committing to it entirely you make success far more likely.
If you have someone, a close friend, you can trust to hold you accountable, that could be a very useful tactic. But, know that this can place strain on your friendship.
If you’d rather, we have created a Private Facebook Group Page, run by Coaches, that provides support from several thousand people going through Breakups on every possible level. It provides much needed support for a majority of our Coaching Clients.
I cover the No Contact Rule in more detail in this article.
Manage Your Social Media Properly
Social media is undoubtedly one of the most accessible tools to change the way your Ex is sees you.
Not only is it a good way communicate that you’re living your life past the Breakup, it’s also it’s an excellent way to demonstrate to your Ex you have grown as a person.
However, if you acted crazy in any way during or after the Breakup, you should take a step back and avoid social media for a while until things stabilize for a bit.
The timing is crucial when you begin posting on social media. The last thing you want is your Ex wondering is if any social media updates are related to him.
Let’s say you start posting several times a week, or even several times a day, on various social media platforms after your Breakup. It’s likely that your Ex will assume that you’re trying to get his attention.
Timing is also important when it comes to how you handle posting after you complete No Contact. If you reach out to your Ex and start posting regularly on social media at relatively the same time, your Ex is likely to notice. While he may not know why, it will make him assume that you have an agenda. Because of the nature of your Breakup and your reaction to it, it is likely to instill a level of distrust.
Start off by posting casually on social media about a week or so before your ‘No Contact’ is up and alternate by posting on various platforms.
Keep the pace. If you didn’t a big social media presence before, make sure that you’re not over-posting. The transition needs to be subtle.
Create The Perfect First Text Message
Everything you’ve done up unto this point should have been geared toward indirectly changing the way that your Ex sees you. Note that I said indirectly.
This is why it is incredibly important that you don’t just send any old text to your Ex. This will be the first direct contact you will have with your Ex. It should be thought out and purposeful.
There’s a science to creating the perfect first text message. We talk about it below.
The general structure of the perfect first text message is as follows:
- Open-ended Question
A recent survey determined that over 90% of texts are read within the first 3 minutes of being sent. The assessment was that an interested text receiver responds relatively quickly, within the first few minutes to the first few hours of receiving a text.
Ultimately, your first text has to be intriguing enough to not only get your Ex’s attention but to get him to respond. Especially if you acted crazy.
There are a few guidelines you need to when deciding what to text your Ex.
Consider your Ex’s interests over your own. When choosing a subject, think about those few things in his life he gets really excited about and can’t help but talk about. It’s even better if it’s something that he is passionate about and is known to get wrapped up in conversations about.
An open ended question is anything that requires thought and more than a one word answer.
Let’s say your Ex is a huge Game of Thrones fan to the point that can rewatch it over and over again, knows all of the characters and the houses they belong to, including their words and sigils, and will talk a complete strangers ears off about it. Luckily, the series has left plenty of questions unanswered and likely won’t answer all of them by the time it’s over. There are plenty of interesting theories that your Ex is bound to have opinions about. A strong first text that you could send to your Ex could be:
WARNING: If you haven’t seen season 8, Spoilers Ahead!
YOU: I just heard the craziest thing! You seriously won’t believe it!
HIM: What’s that?
YOU: One of the theories is that Bran is the Night King! How could that be?
HIM: Hmm that’s a good point, I haven’t thought about that given he’s the Three Eyed Raven
YOU: It’s an interesting theory, I wonder how they’ll develop the season in only 6 episodes.
HIM: Same! I’m excited to finally find out who ends up on the Iron Throne!
YOU: Oh, me too! Anyways I’m about to head to dinner with a friend, ttyl!
Inspire Your Ex to Initiate Most Interactions
After you’ve done some texting and built some rapport with your Ex, the next challenge is working towards getting him to chase you.
The easiest way to do this is to learn a simple psychological term, the Zeigernik Effect. It refers to a discovery made by Bluma Zeigarnik, Russian psychologist, that surmised that our minds prefer completed tasks to incomplete ones, meaning the incomplete ones will bother us until they are complete. Therefore, they are more likely to remember an incomplete task over a completed one.
Think back to a time when you were watching the season finale of your favorite TV show.
Usually, the writers do this thing where the episode just starts to get good, the suspense builds, and then BOOM the episode is over. Just like that! Leaving so many questions unanswered.
As you sat there listened to the music and watching the credits roll across the screen, how did you feel?
You may have felt lost or as if you had more questions than you had answers. Probably wondering what was going to happen in the next season, right?
You likely found yourself wanting to jump into the next episode without having to wait a few months.
This is how writers and directors decide on how they’re going to outline a show. They develop the plot and capitalize on your interest, and when the episode gets super climatic they “cut” the episode at the high point. This leaves you wanting more and has the potential to keep you on edge until the next season airs.
The same concept applies to the texting phase with your Ex. It can essentially be referred to as leaving the conversation at the high point.
By clearly cutting the conversation short after you’ve engaged your Ex, you leave him wanting more and make him wonder when the next time he’s going to be able to talk to you is because it’s left unfinished.
The best practice in talking to your Ex is to be completely selfless with the conversations, especially at the beginning of the texting phase.
It’s human nature to bring the conversation back around to yourself and it inflates our self worth when people want to talk about things that are important to us.
So, it is incredibly important that you keep the conversation pointed toward your Ex and things he is passionate about. Avoid the temptation to talk about yourself.
By leveraging texting concepts like the Zeigarnik Effect you’ll demonstrate to your Ex that you’ve grown as a person while also getting your Ex to chase you.
I know I’ve put a lot out there and it could be overwhelming.
So, let’s talk about what we’ve covered.
- Putting together the perfect first text message
- Understanding the importance of sticking to No Contact
- Avoiding pushing your Ex further away by Gnatting
- Using social media to your advantage
- Making your Ex want to talk to you and even initiate conversations
Having all of this in the back of your pocket allows you to maximize your chances of success with your Ex. Ultimately, you’ll be able to paint yourself in a different light that overwrites everything that happened during and after the breakup. Instead of being his crazy, needy, desperate Ex, he’ll start to see you as attractive, even irresistible.